I want to start out tonight by saying that this blog is being written with a heavy heart. You see, an incident happened today at work that after it happened, I realized that I had pretty much let my Heavenly Father down. The moment I sat down in my car after the incident, I felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit, asking me if I was going to let the anger I was harboring continue to fester and boil up in me, or was I going to go and make things right with the individual .Now let me tell you there is nothing worse than hearing the Spirit of God tell you, "what are you doing, don't you remember that the Word of God says in Ephesians 4:26-32 "Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,and give no o
So I got out of the car and went in and attempted to apologize to the individual, regardless of who was right and who was wrong. You see I knew I was out of line, and out of the will of God with my attitude, actions, and words, so it didn't matter if I had every right in the world or not, to act like the way I did, which I didn't. Now the individual who I was apologizing to, regardless of where they are in their walk with Jesus, said OK when I apologized, but refused to shake my hand, and then another person blew up and at that point it was totally out of hand, and I left, and once again, my attitude was one of who cares at that point, I was frustrated, angry and under conviction and all I wanted was out. My boss could have looked at me and said Bill your fired and I would not have cared at that point, which as a Christian who has been placed in my position by God, should never feel.
Now when I left work in the condition I left, I honestly didn't care if I ever stepped foot back in my workplace. I could have been told I was getting a $ 100,000 a year raise, and it would not have mattered. As I drove down the road, I had a feeling of just wanting to be left alone and I wanted to speak to no one. I pulled into Starbucks, got me a cup of coffee and proceeded to drive off, still in a mood that I can now say was one of Shame. I called my Wife Angie, and talked for a minute to her and then hung up with her and just stared down the road and drove toward home. At that moment, driving down the road , it was like Jesus himself sat down in my car and said, WHY Bill? Why are you letting your anger get the best of you? Why are you allowing the old man to creep back in? WHY? And it was in that exact moment that I realized, I HAD FAILED. I had failed in several ways, but to sum it all up in one description, I HAD FAILED AS A CHRISTIAN?
You see first of all, I got angry. Now anger is not a sin in itself, but how you respond to that anger is where the sin comes in. You see when I got angry, I got loud with this individual. It was in response to what I perceived as a threat, but that doesn't matter. I Sinned. I didn't use my words to build up, I used them to attack an individual, which is never the right thing to do. As my dad used to say to me when I was a kid, I let my steamboat mouth overload my row boat behind. Now when this happened, I told ya I felt the conviction of the Spirit of God almost immediately. Why? Because I was grieving the Holy Spirit because of my lack of showing Love as Christ did.
Second, I put the Body of Christ in a position of being judged. You see, as a minister of the Gospel, I have to be above reproach. And at that moment, I blew it. I used to ask my Youth Group what they would think if they sat on a pew on Sunday and Wednesday listening to the preacher speak about the evils of drunkenness and alcohol, only to go to say Chili's on Friday night and on the way to the table, pass by the pastor sitting at a table with his wife eating dinner, and having a beer or a cocktail with his meal. And of course most said it would be no big deal, but subconsciously they would probably think, well what a hypocrite tells me not to drink and then he's out having a beer just a few night later, who does he think he is. Why should I listen to him? Well that's exactly what happened today, this person probably thinks, why should I listen to him, if he's going to act like that. He's no better off than I am. And you know what, he's right. I am actually worse off than he is, because I have to explain to my church, my wife and kids and my Lord, why I acted in such a manner as to detract from the Gospel.
You see when we as Christians, fail. It affects not just us, but it affects the Kingdom. It affects the Gospel in a way that years worth of work can be torn down in a split second. It took years to build the World Trade Centers, but they were brought down in a matter of minutes due to the intense heat and destruction of a blatant act of violence, or otherwise known as SIN. The world puts Christians under a microscope, and will scrutinize every move you make, if for no other reason than that of being able to say "see he/she is no better than me". Preachers are put on pedestals, so that when they make mistakes the world can be right there to watch them fall and make sure everyone see's it.
So today, I FAILED AS A CHRISTIAN, AND AS A MINISTER. For that I have had to go and ask my Lord to forgive me and help me to not do it again. For that I ask the Forgiveness of the body of Christ, my brother's and sister's in the kingdom, for I never meant to shine a dimming light on them. To my Children I ask that they forgive my poor example I gave today. To my Pastor, I ask for your prayers. But first and foremost, I ask my Lord to forgive me for my actions in anger today, and I ask that he would help me to not make those mistakes again.
Some I have spoken with today have said I am being to hard on myself, but the pressure I feel from myself, is nothing to the intensity of the flames of hell, which many have already felt, and that many will feel someday. To them I do not want my actions to be the reason they turn away from Christ. I want them to see Christ in me always, and to run to the open arms of our Lord and Saviour Jesus.
I stand on the promises of 1 John 1:8-9 "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." I leave you with that verse this night, and I pray that you rest tonight in the arms of the Spirit of God as he ministers to you while you sleep. And tomorrow as you go out into the world, may you tell someone what Jesus has done for you. Good Night all and God Bless.
In Christ's Love,
Brother Bill Roy
| Luk 9:23 | And he said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me........................It;s a daily walk that won't be finished until we reach the other side. |
No comments:
Post a Comment